I, on the other hand, am very ready to have my baby girl in my arms and not my belly. Up until four days ago everything was bearable, getting harder, but I was tough. Now I can feel my walls breaking down and I don't particularly like that. I can barely sleep at all, turning over is like trying to pull an elephant out of quicksand. I have trouble getting comfortable and if manage it, within five minutes I either have to use the bathroom or my baby moves and the position is no longer comfortable. In addition, those little butterfly kicks that I was so excited about the majority of the pregnancy are now starting to hurt, like wincing in pain hurt.
Now I consider myself a fairly tough person, but the culmination of all of these discomforts and the extension of time is breaking me down. I feel like I'm whining, which I don't normally do. I don't feel like I would be good company to anyone, though I am a little too content with staying home by myself anyway. I don't feel like doing anything. I keep hearing about this urge to tidy up, and I suppose I had that a week ago, but now I don't feel like moving. I am content to sleep, watch TV, work on my puzzle book or read. In fact, I've actually really enjoyed being able to settle down with a good book and read, I don't always have much time to do that. However, overall, I am very ready to not be pregnant anymore and have my little girl safe in my arms.
When my due date originally came, I was a little relieved. It seems weird, but all the pressure was gone. I was so sure that this baby would come early that I ended up getting myself stressed in the days prior. Like I've said before, I got all those things on my list of what to accomplish before she was born done. So now what is there to do, but vacuum for the six-hundredth time. Now that it is several days past the due date, I am too uncomfortable to want to do much. So now, I'm just waiting, and it's getting a little old. Plus, I'm having way to much time to think of what could go wrong...
At my last doctor's appointment we set up a date for induction. It is this upcoming Friday morning, August 21, four days away. It is one week and one day after my due date, which I was happy about because it gives her one more week to come on her own. I'm very torn because I want her to so desperately to come on her own so I don't have to have medications, but at the same time, I so desperately want her in my arms it seems like a long to wait.
I am very dedicated to the idea of an entirely natural childbirth, meaning no drugs, pain killers, or any more medical intervention than absolutely needed. However, having to be induced because she is late coming begins to defeat some of those wishes. I will be frank - this scares me. My biggest fear is having to have a C-section. I know if I do, the doctors are well trained and know what they are doing, it will be over within like ten minutes and I will probably be fine. However, I've not even been a patient in the hospital (which scares me enough) let alone go under the knife in what should be a simple, natural process. So with that fear in the open, the induction worries me because it increases the risk for a C-section to be needed. There are many other little worries that induction would bring, but as far as fears go, that's the big one.
All in all, I just want my baby and me to be healthy. I tell you though, this waiting is definitely straining. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much that is willing to take care of me and keep my thoughts on having a healthy child and off of the aches and pains even when I'm whining.
So I will keep waiting and if I have to be induced on Friday then at least I can hold that little bundle of joy in my arms no matter how she arrives to me. Our little family will then be a little bit bigger, and we will be happy. I can't wait.