Monday, September 28, 2009

Today is Monday...

Today is Monday and I've felt a step behind all day. I am worn out now. I handed Zoey over to Stephen and decided to relax for a while. I don't know why I'm so tired. I haven't done any more than I do any other day. I didn't get less sleep last night, in fact, I slept pretty good. Zoey wasn't overly fussy. I just felt frantic during the day and now I am spent.

I have noticed something that is a little disturbing. There has been a lot of mentions of mortality lately. A co-worker died last week in a tragic car wreck, I read a book about a lady dying of breast cancer, I'm reading a book about a man with Lou Gerick's disease and I have a cousin in intensive care for a blood clot in the heart. Add that to my grandfather dying earlier this year, my car wreck at the beginning of the year and Stephen getting rear ended last month and I feel bombarded. I don't know if I just notice it more or if it actually is more going on. Of course, I have to wonder if people have always been this bad at driving or if I just notice it more now that I have Zoey. I don't know what to do with these thoughts, but there they are. It's amazing how death is something you have to talk about when you have a family when you otherwise avoid it at all costs.

I did have a hard time going to sleep last night. I had some thoughts in my head, but it was mainly just not being able to settle down. I used to have trouble sleeping and have most of my life. Maybe I'm just getting rested so I have trouble sleeping again - ironic huh. Zoey is sleeping good lately. She had a bottle and went to bed by midnight and I stayed away staring at the ceiling. Sleeping pills have never worked for me, but I don't really have the luxury of staying up and sleeping late like I used to.

So I thank this blog for being my shrink because it's a lot cheaper to get out how I'm feeling. Zoey will be 6 weeks tomorrow, but I still have to ask is it postpartum? I don't think so, I think it is just a weird day. Those happen from time to time. Hopefully, I will get some good sleep tonight and be fresh for tomorrow. I do hope so because I have another list of things waiting for me to do then.

Well this is goodnight...or to watch a football game at least.


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