Thursday, April 5, 2012

My Worst Fear

My worst fear is loosing Stephen and/or Zoey. My next worst fear is of my leaving this world without them. These are the things that keep me up at night.

The thoughts resurfaced after reading Julie Olsen's tragedy. She lost her son and husband a couple weeks ago. She is no one I know, but I heard her story through my blogging friends. She is living my worst fear.

The Olsen Family: I want to send out love and support during this tragedy.

I'm not afraid of death. The act of dying does not terrify me. In fact, I find a great beauty in death. But that objective view flies out the window when it involves separating me and my life, which is my family. The thought of living life in the absence of them is paralyzing. It takes away much of the meaning of my everyday living.

On the flip side, the thought of them having to live in the absence of me is also paralyzing. I know they would go on and I would want them to continue and live out happy, joyful lives. But I want Zoey to know her mother, truly know me as she gets older. I want to watch her grow up.

My Family: Stephen, Zoey and Me

I say all of that to say this. Enjoy every little moment with the ones you love because you never know how love it will last. That is why I take tons and tons of pictures. I want to remember every little moment of my life with the ones I love.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

1 comment:

  1. I can't imagine her loss. Words escape me. I'll be keeping her and their families in prayer.

    I too have your same fears. So scary... My husband and I were in a horrible car accident right before we got married. It nearly killed me. I try to enjoy every second because life is too precious and we just don't know what tomorrow brings!