When I began this week of "A Confident Heart," thinking about past pain, I assumed I would once again speak about my miscarriages. But I pretty much covered that last week in my post titled, "God's Unfailing Love."
Instead, God placed something else on my heart to explore. We all have pain from the past, and yes it is very important to deal with so we can move forward. But what happens to the pain, the struggle, we are dealing with right now?
Now, I am having a hard time letting that go. I look back and feel shame for that moment. It didn't matter that I was at an emotional low or that the news blindsided me. I am supposed to be growing in spiritual maturity, not failing around in the arms of doubt. I should have gone to God first and believed in the very first moment that God was wholeheartedly in control.
It only took a moment. One moment for my entire perspective to shift. It only took a moment for doubt to come in and overtake me.
Even now that I know everything is alright and that my Dad may even come out of this better than he went in if he upholds his promise to live healthier. Somehow the doubt, that shadow, is still over me. It is like I'm seeing through a fuzzy glass, I can't concentrate, and I am having trouble really holding onto the peace I know God promises. I feel it slipping through my fingers.
I don't want to live in fear or respond in anger. I've been there before and it wasn't good. I want to over come the doubt, I want to keep moving forward.
Philippians 4:6 -- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Romans 8:28 -- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
John 10:10 -- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 8:36 -- "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Jeremiah 29:11 -- "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Isaiah 40:31 -- "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
We will continue to be tempted, especially by doubt, for as long as we live. But God has overcome the world and He lives in me. I will keep moving forward, covered by God's love and His strength.
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This inspiration comes from a
Bible study I am doing through
by Renee Swope.