Friday, May 23, 2014

Tales From A Mother...The Journey of a Lifetime

When I began this blog five years ago, It was dedicated solely to motherhood. I chose the title "Tales from a Mother" assuming I would spend the entirety of this blog talking about raising my kids. A lot has changed in five years. I thought I would have several kids my now. Instead, I am thanking God constantly for the one daughter I have. I thought I would talk about raising kids; instead, it has turned into a place where I can figure out me.

This blog has gone through many stages. It began when I was still waiting on Zoey to be born. My first post ever was called "Patience in Pregnancy." I was so ready to be a mom.

Throughout the infant stages, "Tales from a Mother" was what I thought it would be. I have many posts about decisions we made in raising her and activities we did to stay connected with our family and friends.

There are several posts like:
"Coming Home with Zoey"
"The Good, the Bad and... Well Everything in Between"
"To Breastfeed or to Bottle feed... That is the Question"
"Stay at Home Mom!"

 It was soon after this stage that everything changed.

I had three miscarriages over the course of two years and it forever changed my life. This is the first big change of subject in my blog. I spent a lot of time in varying stages of denial, anger, depression during this time. I didn't know what to think or feel. In many ways, it changed who I was.

This was a time where was really searching, before I even know what to look for:
"My Doctor's Appointment"
"My Miscarriage"
"Everything Happens for a Reason"
"Miscarriage Completion and Musings on Life"
"Learning God's Lessons"

It was through this journey that I truly rekindled my search for and dedication to God.

The year I did daily devotions was the craziest year. I was always in the Word, to the point I didn't always see much else around me. I'm not sure this extreme single-mindedness was entirely a good thing. But I learned a lot and I was able to dig myself out of the whole those two years put me in.

Here are a few of my favorite and most popular Daily Devotions:
"Christ Lives In You"
"Speak Positively, Live Positively"
"The Faithful Love of the Lord Never Ends"
"Forgive Because We Are Forgiven"
"Confess Your Sins to Each Other"
"A Wife of Noble Character: Conclusions"

I was ready to help others, to be involved and serve God. It wanted to go back to church, to put the focus back on Zoey and others after a long time of self-evaluation and growth. However, I notice that I tend to go from one extreme to the other. So when I got involved; I got over-involved. I began to spread myself too thin and didn't even realize it until it reached a critical point. That is more or less where I am now, a new season where it is time to re-evaluate myself once again.

Some more recent thoughts:
"A Time For Everything"
"When Life Seems Overwhelming"
"Our Light Overcomes the Darkness"

It is very important, to always look at yourself to see where you stand and what you really believe. It is so easy to just go along with others because it is what the group does or what is expected of you. I have realized again and again that this is not who I want to be. Even if it is different, I want to be me. So that is what I'm trying to figure out now, and what "Tales from a Mother" is ultimately about.

photo credit
We each have a personal story and a unique journey in this life. I believe these differences should be celebrated, not condemned. In my own life I have gone from one end to the other and back again several times. What is the "right" way? I don't know. That's for you to figure out. Also, it is for me to love you regardless of what your conclusion is. Just as I am learning, once again, what my way is. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about that belief. That is the beauty of God, He is greater than our judgments of each other.

When I chose the name of this blog, "Tales from a Mother," I had no idea the journey I was beginning. I am a writer, this is how I process thoughts, emotions and ideas. I started this blog talking only about motherhood. That is still a huge part of my life, but it not what defines me. I transitioned to talking only about God. That was great way to learn and grow in my walk with my Creator.

Now, I just want to be genuine. I don't want to be only an idea, either of motherhood or religion. I want to be a person, full of flaws, ideas and life. Even at this stage in life, I'm still figuring out who I am. I believe we never truly figure it all out. If we ever stop asking questions or challenging ourselves, then we cease to grow. Even amidst this time of discovery I am content and live in joy and peace. There is a beauty in the world that really lets me know that everything is going to be okay. And in the meantime, these are my tales...adventures, questions, and a life full of joy. I am so thankful for this journey and am excited to continue this grand, beautiful adventure called life.

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