Saturday, January 2, 2016

Where do you go?

"Where do you go when you're lonely?"

It's a line from the song "When the Stars Go Blue." It is a statement that has always intrigued me. Today I thought about it again. And in the process, got this song stuck in my head for an entire day.

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But really? Where do you go? When you are lonely, or sad, or angry, or when you just have to work things out in your head?

The commencement of the new year has brought on many contemplative thoughts for me to sort through. It actually started a couple weeks ago and my mind is in overdrive trying to figure out what I'm really doing with my life and who I want to be.

At thirty, you'd think I'd have some of this figured out by now. Some of it I do. I'm married to an amazing man and have a beautiful and very clever daughter. We aren't going to have more kids, but that is a story for another day. I'm a writer who is in the process of editing my first novel. Honestly, life is pretty good.

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However, who I am, well, that is decided each and every day. Am I kind? Do I build others up or tear them down? Do I spent money on material possessions or is it the experiences I treasure more? Do I speak positivity into my life or complain? These are all questions with answers that change every day (sometimes by the hour) depending on to many things to even try to list.

So here I am, day two into 2016 and finding myself in a very introverted mood.

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Going back to this song...

"When the Stars Go Blue"
by Ryan Adams

Catchy isn't it?

Where do you go when you're lonely and feeling blue? Where do you go when you need to sort things out, make decisions or decide who you are going to be?

I go to words. I crack open a notebook or a new document and open the flood gates of my mind. I attempt to put my emotions and vague questions into words and ideas that I can share with the world. I create fictional characters and situations to explore the depths of development that otherwise stay in my head.

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I've said it many times on this blog that if I don't write I would be insane or at the very least eternally depressed. This is my altar, it is where I go with my problems and prayers. It is where I think the best and where everything somehow starts making sense (at least as much as it is ever going to.)

Where do you go?

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I believe everyone has a talent or passion that they continuously go back to. I know people who think better with a soccer ball under their feet or a violin resting under their chin. Some go to a blank canvas that is in need of shapes and color. Others to create code that brings the magic of gaming to life. Some seek out churches or gardens. Some cook, other's travel, or sing or dance or take pictures. There is no limit to the things possible to achieve this same therapy when it comes to life.

No matter how good our life is there is always a moment that hits us where we question everything. Where we lose confidence in ourselves and sometimes even those around us. Sometimes life comes at us fast or changes without warning and we don't know how to react. We get overwhelmed and feel conquered.

This instagram post featuring One Tree Hill character Peyton Sawyer says it best...

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All we need to do is breathe.

And write. Or read. Or play. Or sing. Or dance. Or code. Or cook. Or go have a night out with friends. Or...

Where do you go?

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